This thing should've been written and posted yesterday, but well, my mind was completely occupied by matrices, trigonometry and other calamities yesterday. But in that midst of tedious formulas and repetitive numbers, I still got a chance to, well, somehow resolve the conflict I had yesterday... One thing that actually triggered the later discussion is the word 'kost'... Well, it's been uttered almost every time I had a conflict with my dad. Well, this time, the problem is about my being as a extremely introvert person who live in two worlds, always in hide, always in fear of asking and telling truths about things happening inside me. It's a problem as old as me. Hundreds of times discussed, hundreds of times confronted, hundreds of times denied. Hundreds of times troubled.
Since I'm a complete hypocrite who hasn't got an ability to score myself, I need a help from someone who's so accustomed to respond to my distress signal. My dad. Things that I learned.
First, I'm such a hedonist person. I only have a little hint on how this terrible character appears so vividly in me. Nice watches, dream motorbikes, great Jazz albums, a fine taste for design. All those shiz... Those occupies my mind. How? Maybe, just maybe, I'm so frantic with my works and duties. Work, rest, repeat. Work, rest, repeat. It revolves, and sometimes so quickly, I forget about how to laugh on simple things. I'm too busy working, I haven't got the chance to actually relax and therefore, occupy my mind with thoughts about life and god and compassion. That's what I said to my dad. Well, partly, maybe it's right. I mean the fact about me being a catastrophic human who knows only about working and having fun is undeniable. But, being a hard worker and having the luxuries in this life shouldn't make me a hedonist being. Why? It's about compassion. Compassion is something that's hardwired inside me. Every human being have this thing, and without even realizing, compassion surge around our system. Although the surging compassion doesn't always have the power to actually make us move.
Second. most of the people live in this planet 'smoke weed'... About this part, I will write it in the newer post...
Since I'm a complete hypocrite who hasn't got an ability to score myself, I need a help from someone who's so accustomed to respond to my distress signal. My dad. Things that I learned.
First, I'm such a hedonist person. I only have a little hint on how this terrible character appears so vividly in me. Nice watches, dream motorbikes, great Jazz albums, a fine taste for design. All those shiz... Those occupies my mind. How? Maybe, just maybe, I'm so frantic with my works and duties. Work, rest, repeat. Work, rest, repeat. It revolves, and sometimes so quickly, I forget about how to laugh on simple things. I'm too busy working, I haven't got the chance to actually relax and therefore, occupy my mind with thoughts about life and god and compassion. That's what I said to my dad. Well, partly, maybe it's right. I mean the fact about me being a catastrophic human who knows only about working and having fun is undeniable. But, being a hard worker and having the luxuries in this life shouldn't make me a hedonist being. Why? It's about compassion. Compassion is something that's hardwired inside me. Every human being have this thing, and without even realizing, compassion surge around our system. Although the surging compassion doesn't always have the power to actually make us move.
Second. most of the people live in this planet 'smoke weed'... About this part, I will write it in the newer post...
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