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Nineteen

(a 'nineteen year of living' appreciation post)

Only in my teenage years have i come to realize how quickly our mind has evolved... When we were a small child our mind was blinded by almost dogmatic perception of our years ahead... It's funny to think that back when we were a small child, nobody has ever told us about the sometimes immense struggle to reach the thing that used to be our dream. It's like someone skipped 18 or so years from the timeline of our lives and rushed ourselves to imagine the abstract adulthood. Now, just be realistic. Only a small fraction of people really do live their childhood dream. The ones who dreamt about being a pilot, might end up working with numbers and become an accountant. The ones who dreamt about being an astronaut, might end up working as a high school teacher. The ones who aimed way too high, might end up really low (and vice versa).
Again, like what i said in my previous posts. As kids, the world we know is almost binary... Yes or no, right or wrong, good or bad, rich or poor, clever or stupid. Now that we've reached the uncharted territory of adulthood, all becomes vague...


Now that our adulthood has come to a state of being visible, we start to occupy ourselves about the real deal. We get out reluctantly from our warm cocoon and immerse ourselves into the harsh reality of the world. For us who used to dream about being doctors and pilots, thinking about being one has become so lavish, we no longer aim too high. For us who constantly imagined ourselves living in 2 story house with enormous lawn and beautiful wife; having 2 kids and a dog named Lassie;.... thinking about those things has just been considered as foolish and unrealistic. 

 When we were kids, we were always dreaming to be an adult. But when the vision of being an adult is clear ahead of us, entering adulthood might be the least thing that we want and anticipate. But like the title of Queen's song, the show must goes on... Maybe we all have a dharma to fulfill, and as frightened as we might be when we see the terrain ahead of us, we got to soldier on. Technically, we have a place to hide from our tedious, terrifying, full of pain, forced dharma. But like a captain who abandons his ship, living while soberly knowing that we're hiding from the reality might be suicidal.  For most of us, we'll soon realize that our options are getting more narrow till the point where we can say, there's no more option left in this life. 

We will soon realize that having options might well be a very precious thing. Soldier on boy. Keep soldiering on...

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